i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
