i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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