I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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