Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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