is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
