my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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