Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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