Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
