The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
