i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
