You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
