$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
