"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
