we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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