Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Found the puke drawer
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
