well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
