His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
