i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
