Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
