4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
