wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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