He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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