i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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