Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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