I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think i peed on brittanys purse
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
