he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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