I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
