I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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