The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
