the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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