hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
