You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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