Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
