Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
