I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
