wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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