sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
