That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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