We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize