You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
