I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
