dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
