dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
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Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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