i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
