shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
