I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
