now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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