Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
