Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
