So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
