His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
