He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
