perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
