I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
