Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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