pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
