Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
True strength comes from lack of pants
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
