so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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