her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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