Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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