new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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