I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
