dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize