I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
