I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
