mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
