I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just had sex bonerless
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
