It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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