i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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