She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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