Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
